[Details]

I haven't been sleeping well lately.  I have been restless.  I am not typically a person who dreams a lot in their sleep, but that has been different lately.  Last night is a good example.  I had a dream that I was in a dark room with a blanked out computer screen and the only thing I could see was a small word written in brackets at the bottom of the screen ~ [Details].  That's it.  What do you do with that?

 So, as I am reading the scriptures this morning and praying, I am still troubled by this dream.  Then it hits me, I am worrying that God is not going to provide the next steps for me in this new ministry my family and I have been called to be a part of.  I had a friend the other night look at me and say, "You are a planner aren't you?"  The answer was a definite yes.  I like plans.  I like calenders.  I love organizational things.  Honestly, I don't think I have purchased myself a new pair of shoes in over two years (I know, that is just sad) but I could go into an office supply store once a week and feel like I have had a shopping spree sent from heaven to buy new file folders and bright, new post-it notes!  (And don't even get me started on highlighters!  That is a separate blog entry in itself!)

Anyhow, he was right.  I am a planner.  There is something deeply wired within me that needs to know the details.  Who? What? When? Where? and most importantly, HOW?  Well, God has strategically positioned me in a place that I honestly have no idea the answer to almost all of those questions.  But He is growing my faith because he is faithful in not only knowing these things for me, but He is proving himself faithful in providing these things for me.

My family and two other families have been called into a position of serving this fatherless generation.  The last two months have literally been a whirlwind, unlike anything I have ever seen in my entire life.  Honestly, the only thing that comes remotely close to this was the 2 year process to adopt our youngest child, Hope.  There is such an overwhelming joy in being able to be confident in the fact that you are in the middle of God's will for your life, but there is such a struggle with this stupid flesh to be in control.  I want to be in control.  I want to be the author on this journey.

But, God is faithful to love me with patience and firmness.  He sure doesn't NEED us to carry out his plans, but how awesome is it that he WANTS to use us to carry out his plans?  It is really ironic.  I actually looked up the word brackets, because from my dream I wasn't as troubled by the word within the brackets as the brackets themselves.  This is what I found:

Square brackets – also called simply brackets (US) – are mainly used to enclose explanatory or missing material usually added by someone other than the original author, especially in quoted text.

Overwhelming.  The way I see it is this.  God is the ultimate original author.  He is the author of the beginning and the end, and obviously everything in between.  So, why in the world would I feel the need to add brackets and the details in between in this story being written by God?  God is in control of every little detail.  Even though he has been showing that, I am still carrying around my own brackets.  Needless to say, I have a little repenting to do, and then it is time to roll up my sleeves and put one more foot in front of the next to step out in faith and rejoice in the details being continually worked out for me.

No more brackets for me!  And I can end that with an exclamation mark! ~ This a reference to my last blog post...I am starting to see a trend with punctuation, and  I am beginning to wonder if this is as odd as the joy that office supplies bring me. ;-) 





 

When God says Go

There is a scripture I have been pondering recently.

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"  And I said, "Here am I.  Send me!" ~ Isaiah 6:8

I am feeling a bit like Isaiah these days.  I am not saying in any way that I feel that I am a prophet.  What I am comparing is feeling a focused calling of the Lord on my life.  There was such an obedience in Isaiah when he was commissioned to be a prophet for the Lord, but in addition to obedience, there seemed to me to be excitement of things to come (notice the exclamation mark at the end of his declaration of "Send Me!" in my NIV translation).  Now the remainder of the book of Isaiah shares that the majority of the time that Isaiah shared the Lord's prophecies, they were met with resistance and rejection.  This doesn't seem to give a lot to be excited about.  But there can be great excitement in simply being obedient to your calling into service for our great God and knowing, no matter the cost, that the Lord is leading every step of the way.  Surrender is a very exciting place to be!

Far too often in my life I will feel what I call a "heart tug" by the Holy Spirit to move into action for the Lord, but instead of meeting that prompting with a response that can end with an exclamation mark, I turn from it, and sadly, do nothing.  Why?  Because it is easy.  Because I am lazy.  Because I have fear.  Because I worry what others will think.  Because I like my little life in this little box that I have created.  My prayers tend to reflect this theme.  "Lord, please protect my family..."  Why?  Jesus stepped out in ultimate humiliation and pain for us.  Why should I pray for protection?  Why not pray for the excitement to be radically used by Him to make a difference in this world for His glory?

There is a song I love that says, "You won't relent until you have it all.  My heart is yours." I am so thankful that my God will not relent and give up on me.  That He keeps chasing after me, until I am obedient and surrender.  So, this is where I am...

I choose to put my whole life in the Lord's hands.  I choose to allow this mighty God who created the whole universe and still knows every hair on my head to show me where He wants me. I choose to follow.  I choose to trust.  No matter the cost, I choose to Go! 

I have found my exclamation mark!